iamnotawriter

Sacrificial Lamb

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 09:09:34 GMT

Title: Sacrificial Lamb
Author: iamnotawriter
Pairings: G-Top, Seung Hyun/Ji Yong
Rating: Generally PG-13 but with bits of NC-17. What kind of a rating is this?
Disclaimer: G-Top pwns every single pairing in the universe. Unfortunately, I'm just a fan.
Hey, y'all. I'm back with another story to help spread TabiYong love. Not that it has been lacking lately but I just felt like I needed to contribute again, somehow. The longest GTOP I've written thus far so yeah, please deal. This is my attempt to make a story that's as close to reality as possible. I must've failed.

Just so you know, guys. This story is full of cliches. I kinda hated my self for that but it's done already and I can't revise everything. I hope you would enjoy it nonetheless. GTOP win!

---

“Hyung, please. Don't do this to me.”, Ji Yong begged in desperation as he tugged onto Seung Hyun's arm. The junk on his eyes had smudged across his cheeks, creating patterns of mess on his beautiful face.

“Don't you fucking get it? Stay the fuck away from me!”

Ji Yong paused for half a heartbeat, taken aback by the look of disgust on the older man's face. He allowed the hurt to engulf his pride, but it did not make him flinch.

“What do you want me to do, hyung? I'll do anything. Please! Just don't leave me!”

“Why are you being such a girl? Get over it!”

He was desolate more than anything and it was out of character that Ji Yong, of all people, was allowing someone else to repeatedly stab his ego. Truth be told, however, he didn't give a damn. Not for the man in front of him.

“I swear, I'll do anything. Do you want me to quit the band? Want me to stop going out?”

“I don't want anything from you, okay?” infuriatingly replied the older, throwing his hand up. “Want nothing to do WITH you. It's just fucking sex, man!”

It was not just fucking sex, thought Ji Yong, and he knew deep within that Seung Hyun was but lying to himself.

They were unofficially together for almost 1 1/2 years. Words of love were exchanged, dreams shared and countless nights spent together.

They were in love, or at least, that's what he was made to believe.

The younger man scurried in front of Seung Hyun to block him from walking away. His tearful and pleading eyes stared straight into his hyung's as he persistently appealed for the other to take him back, cold fingers shaking as he reached for his face.

“I love you. I cannot go on without you.”

Even to his own ears, that sounded pathetic, more so when he pulled up to kiss the taller man, who despicably pulled away.

“Fucking hell!”, Seung Hyun said, wiping his mouth. “See, that's the problem with you, Ji! You are so full of drama and I want none of your shit.” A hardened finger pointed at Ji Yong's face.

His whimpers and sobs had failed to drown out the fact that he, Kwon Ji Yong, perhaps the biggest idol in all of Korea, was being dragged across the bedroom floor- on his knees, arms locked around the other's legs.

Seung Hyun stopped still and hissed at him with repressed fury. “Let go of me before I break your face.”

The threat was taken seriously just for the mere fact that it came from Seung Hyun.

The smaller man immediately let go, whole body shaking, hands clasped together as if he was in deep prayer.

“Please, hyung! What have I done wrong? You promised we're gonna be together! You said you love me!”

“Has it never dawned on you that I was just fucking lying?! So I could fuck you anytime I wanted?! Huh?” Seung Hyun couldn't take it anymore, it was only matter of time before he snapped. He'd been wanting to yell from the top of his lungs.“I'm so sick and tired of you and your vain and selfish ways. I want my fucking normal life back!”, Seung Hyun was so mad, he thought he was going to explode. “Jesus, look at your self, Kwon! You're pitiful. Haven't I told you I'm with somebody else now? What are you gonna do about it, write a song to spite me?”

He sneered.

And to his surprise, Ji Yong's face turned hopeful. He scrambled to his feet and awkwardly held on to Seung Hyun's shirt.

“You don't love her! I know you don't, hyung”, he said with an expectant smile amidst controlled sobs, “but if you want to sleep with her, or you want to go out in public with her, I'm okay with that, hyung! It's okay, it really is. Just... stay with me. Don't lea-”

The older man slapped him hard, cutting off his delusional monologue.

The very threads that held together Ji Yong's sanity had completely broken apart and it was evident that the scrawny, young man was defeated- in every sense of the word. For 86 minutes he had been arguing and begging and crying and denying and hurting. It was the first time in more than an hour or so, that he had stayed still. He did not move a muscle or a strand of hair. His vision was fixated on the wooden floor, and the only sound he made was the heavy beating of his heart.

And seeing this, Seung Hyun had finally conceded.

He took a step back, and once again, and again until he reached the plush chair, where often settled to pen down his thoughts. Seung Hyun never took his eyes off of Ji Yong, whose own pair was covered with chocolate hair, and whose lips were the color of crimson, caused by the blood that was trickling out of the broken skin.

Inside his chest, Seung Hyun's heart was falling to pieces. Because it wasn't always like this. There was once a time when he genuinely wanted his leader; when his promises were real; when his existence depended on the man in front of him. Once upon a time, he loved Ji Yong.

***

If he had a choice, he would've taken the less complicated route. Seung Hyun had always stayed in the safe side and his life, for the first 20 years, wasn't littered with melodrama.

And then the crazy one came along.

He never faulted Ji Yong for the things that happened, or the shit that went down. The instance he felt the attraction, he immediately gave in to it. There was no point in denying, right? No point in pretending it's but some bad hangover or a poetry gone wrong.

He was starting to like his band mate and it was much a fact as that he has a husky voice. Big deal. It was the summer of '07. They were on top of the world at last.

“Hyung! Congratulations!”, Ji Yong joyfully exclaimed backstage after winning yet another award. He innocently hugged the older man then lightly punched him on the chest. “So is the soju on you?”

“C'mon! Was I the only one who won?”

“No, but you're the oldest.”

“You're the leader.”

“I'm a minor.”

“Shut your face, Yongie.”, he laughed.

Unknown to his dong saeng, moments like these were cherished by Seung Hyun. They sparked hope and fueled what little courage he may have had inside. He slowly turned serious, almost apprehensive.

“Hey Ji, uhm, can we talk?”

“We are talking already. Are you okay?"

“I meant in private?”

He had ruined the mood but was too preoccupied to care about that.

“I don't know what to say, really”, he tensely stammered, soon as he was alone with the younger man, “or uh, how to say it. But screw it, think whatever you want.”

Ji Yong was a ball of confusion and it was evident on his face. He had not seen Seung Hyun that edgy in the years that he'd known the guy. His heart almost stopped beating when his hyung slowly took out a ring from his pocket, kissed it and slid the jewelry on his right weak finger.

It was a simple, golden bond. With the stage name G-Dragon carved inside the loop. He figured, Ji Yong's life and personality are all too intricate and complicated already, he needed to be reminded of the beauty in basics.

Seung Hyun hurriedly walked away after gazing into Ji Yong's eyes for 2.538 seconds, leaving the younger man perplexed- and vulnerable. If not for a network staff, who was shocked to find him alone in an empty back hall, he would've stood there the entire night merely staring at the ornament on his hand. The gush of emotions denied him to think.

His reply to Seung Hyun's confession came the night after.

“Thank you for the ring”, he said, as he cautiously placed a hand on the older man's shoulder.

The other didn't move, as if he had expected Ji Yong to turn up at that very moment and do that very act. He continued to scribble words that rhymed on his notebook. “but... hyung, I'm not... like that.”

“Why, what do you think am I?”

A glare. His signature piercing glare. It left Ji Yong dumbfounded.

A few more ticking sound of the clock and Seung Hyun's expression started to thaw. He sadly smiled. “Please keep the ring. And don't worry about it. I knew you were gonna say that.”

Yes, Seung Hyun expected nothing more. For someone like him, rejection was and had always been a reality.

That did not faze him, however, and he continued on loving Ji Yong. Love, or whatever it's called. The idea of putting labels onto things and feelings and people irked him as they complicate life too much, he thought.

At times he would faintly touch the younger man's hand, ever so attentive to any reciprocated movement the other would give. Ji Yong would always instantly pull away, perhaps out of reflex or of sheer embarrassment.

Seung Hyung would wait for him at night, sometimes, when he'd be too tired to even turn on the lights or take off his shoes. He would heat the food for him, prepare the tea for him and then they'd share silent dinners with ghosts and moths and the music made by the utensils.

To the world and the flashing lights of fame, the two were best of friends, but when faced with the reality that they're alone together, suddenly, the other person becomes a blur. Or maybe, it was just the case with Ji Yong.

Because to Seung Hyun, it did not matter. There were moments when he'd catch the younger man wearing the ring and just like that, he's the king of the world again. He lived for those small, stupid happiness.

Ji Yong, on the other hand, was always careful not to show him any hint of a mutual interest. Not that he didn't like Seung Hyun, or that he never considered it- he was just too smart for that. Too smart to understand that nothing good ever comes out of such relationships.

***

“Why do you hate me?”

Ji Yong almost dropped the bowl of rice he was holding when Seung Hyun nonchalantly asked the question.

“What makes you think that?”

“I'm not stupid. I just know.”

“I don't hate you”, he replied, looking at the other's eyes for the first time since he got home. He was to add something else to that sentence but all of a sudden, his words disappeared as if he had run out of vocabulary.

Seung Hyun awaited Ji Yong's continuation.

“And?”

And nothing followed but an awkward silence.

“That's it? You don't hate me?”

“No”, the shorter one answered through cracked voice.

“But you don't love me either. There can't be a middle ground, Ji. It's either you love or you hate and if you don't love me, you obviously hate me.”

Seung Hyun knew his logic was full of crap but he couldn't take it back anymore. He was too far in and there was no reverse in the car he was riding.

It pissed Ji Yong a bit. Maybe a lot.

“Where the hell did you learn that? Please tell me you're just being poetic again because seriously, hyung, that's just dumb.”

A hit on the ego.

“Are you trying to tell me I can only eat my rice either hot or cold? Because you know I want my rice lukewarm- not steamy hot or right off the fridge. Just room temperature. Does that make me weird?”

Seung Hyung swallowed hard. “So am I a luke-”

Ji Yong let go of the bowl and threw his hands up, agitated that his hyung was talking about his feelings for him over dinner. “Are you really insisting on this conversation? Really? Because if you are then guess what, there's such a thing as indifference and someone actually told me it's much worse than hate.”

By this time, Seung Hyun had cursed himself for even bringing it up. An asshole, that's what he officially had become.

“Geez, hyung. I'm just exhausted, trying to eat dinner here. What the hell is with all these 'do I hate you' questions?”, Ji Yong added, walking out of the kitchen.

“Hey!”, Seung Hyun called out.

“I lost my appetite already and besides, the rice is too hot.”, replied the other without looking back.

***

Their pseudo-courtship game went on for a couple of months, with the two, shrouded in a mantle of normalcy, pretending that nothing was going on. Seung Hyun and Ji Yong were always ready with a game face.

And then the busiest days of the year happened. Somewhere amidst the year-end countdowns and their concerts and even their holiday celebrations, Seung Hyun had a little too much tequila and cake and spiced anchovies and he got pissed drunk and then with a snap of a finger, decided he was ready to throw the towel in. Fuck it, he thought.

If it was a basketball game, it would've been a 'Do or Die'. It takes a lot of courage for one to risk everything, but in the history of mankind, alcohol has always been the most effective catalyst. How you deal with the repercussions after is the art to be mastered.

Ji Yong was awoken by a knock on his door. 4:06 am, read the digital clock on his table.

A grinning Seung Hyun greeted him, who, without being invited, made his way into the room and locked the door.

“Hyung,” nervously said the leader “you're drunk.”

“Of course not. You just lack sleep.”

Ji Yong knew what was coming, with the towering Seung Hyun inching his way towards him and pushing him back to the bed. But he couldn't show defenselessness. The person before him was someone he trusted, a family even. He couldn't possibly think of doing that to him.

“I think you better leave.”

His faltering voice failed him.

“Why, you don't want me here?”

It scared Ji Yong, really, the way Seung Hyun never broke eye contact. It fucking burned inside his head; that gaze burned his flesh.

“It's not like that. I mean, you're drunk. Just, rest already. Please.”

It did not occur to him that he was on the verge of tears, afraid of his own friend. But the inevitable had to happen and before Ji Yong could even decipher what was going on, Seung Hyun was already devouring his mouth.

The kiss was intense and did not feel remotely good. Ji Yong tried to break away from Seung Hyun's grasp but his body was locked inside the older man's grip. He pushed and kicked and even tried to bite on the older man's lips but to no avail.

Ji Yong was suffocating and Seung Hyun didn't even give a shit.

To Choi, it was one of those moments when he needed to be selfish; when he needed to do something about his fate because all his life, he just always gave in. There was more to him than being a hyung who enjoyed cracking jokes or pulling pranks on people.

He, much like everyone else, is capable of loving. And as a song said, it's his god-forsaken right to be loved, too.

Why the fuck couldn't Ji Yong see that? He was so consumed by his want of Ji Yong, it made him high.

“Love me. Love me, please.”, the older one begged, breaking the kiss.

This allowed Ji Yong to scream for a while, only to be silenced again by the entwining of their tongues. Seung Hyun's kiss was so desperate. If it would be translated into words, it was almost a solicitation for affection.

Caught up in the moment, he broke his grasp of Ji Yong's frail body and held on to each side of the shorter man's head. He tried to savour the moment and imagined himself to be making sweet love with the other, but was quickly shot back to reality by the pain in his abdomen. Ji Yong had kicked him and that ended his dance of power with the one he loved.

Seung Hyun slowly retreated to the wall opposite the bed, arms enfolded around his torso. He grimaced in pain as he weakly slid down to the floor. Ji Yong tried to catch his breath, scared and disoriented of what was happening and what he had done.

“Hyung...”, he faintly uttered, genuinely concerned for Seung Hyun. He really didn't mean to hurt him but the situation and his instinct called for it. “hyung.”

Seung Hyun was too spent to even give an answer. The pain should've subsided by then already yet his face was still contorted. Then Ji Yong saw his lips quivering. And then he heard him sob.

Choi Seung Hyun was breaking down before him.

“Hyung...”, Ji Yong took the first small step. He knew not what else to say or think or feel, except that it grieved him to see Seung Hyun shattered and hurting in front of, and because of him.

He inched his way towards the man on the floor.

There was something about how Seung Hyun was stripped of his masculinity and defenses that tugged on Ji Yong's heart. He was merely reduced to a person- who risked it all, who loved with his all, and above all, it was him, Ji Yong, that Seung Hyun loved.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ji.”, a deep, gravelly voice reverberated inside his head.

Ji Yong knelt in front of the older man and looked at him with pity.

“I... I don't know anymore. I just... it ends here.” His unrehearsed lines may have sounded juvenile to most but not to Ji Yong. He absorbed every single word.

Seung Hyun was shaking and breathing heavily and Ji Yong couldn't take it anymore. A hand was gently placed on top of Seung Hyun's, as if to assure him that everything was okay and will be forgotten come breakfast.

Silent for a long time, both allowed their breathing to normalize. A mist of calmness engulfed them, despite the sobs and tears that came from Seung Hyun.

“Why can't you love me, Yongie?”, he spoke, looking at Ji Yong behind wet and messy bangs. “I mean, I just wanna know the answer before,” A pause. “before I leave this room.”

If Ji Yong was taken aback by the question, he did a good job in concealing his feelings. Neither a wince nor a hard swallow, he challenged Seung Hyun's stare with his own poker face.

Truth be told, Ji Yong had been contemplating about the situation ever since his hyung held his hand and put on that ring. He may have sounded passive most of the time but Seung Hyun never knew that every night, before his nightmares took him away, Ji Yong's thoughts were of Seung Hyun - and the possibility that there could be love. Or whatever it's called.

Ji Yong's eyes welled up and a sole tear trickled down his cheek. And another. And then more muted tears followed. It was then that he decided to stop being smart; being smart was bullshit. Sometimes, a person just wants to be happy and he wanted to share that happiness with Seung Hyun.

Slowly, he showed up his hand along with the golden ring that came with the 4th finger. “I won't be wearing this ring if I can't love you, right?” His voice was composed and full of assurance.

This time, he initiated the kiss. Ji Yong and Seung Hyun passionately kissed until they could no more, and just before the sun extended its rays across the city, they made sweet love for the first time.

They have been in madly in love ever since.

***

Young Bae wasn't too pleased when they told him. He didn't agree with homosexuality. Dae Sung wished them well with moon eyes and Seung Ri, well, he didn't really care. They have agreed to tell their group mates, in case things go out of hand, but both were careful not to let anyone else notice their abnormal closeness. Their company was not to know, most especially the higher-ups.

Their relationship, which they never put a label on, was more taboo than pedophilia.

For the entire 2008, the world was in their hands. The band swept major awards and were offered endorsements left and right. Most of all, the leader and the oldest were melting in each other's arms.

Eventually and naturally, the roles were reversed. Ji Yong ended up being the more needy of the two, calling up right away if Seung Hyun doesn't reply to his messages within the next two minutes. Seung Hyun didn't mind his quirks like that though, as they made him feel wanted. And important.

On his end, Seung Hyun had to adjust, too. Ji Yong has bouts of depression and occasionally suffers from panic attacks. He'd come to his aide right away and hush his screams and fits of violence with a tight embrace and a soothing voice.

“It's okay, I'm here now.”, he'd assure the younger, lips brushing against forehead.

He loved Ji Yong so much, it fucking hurt.

***

“Hyung, I love you!”

An eyebrow raised and a doubtful face.

“I love you, too.”, he replied in a hush. They were in a plane, on their way to Japan. The economy class was never suited for secret conversations. “What do you want?”

Ji Yong's grin became bigger. “Let's tell my family!”

Seung Hyun understood what he meant but his brain refused to process the thought. “Tell them what?”

That response earned him a pout and puffed cheeks. “Nothing.”

Seung Hyun laughed. One of the things that delighted him most was acting dumb in front of Ji Yong and annoying the hell out of the other. “You mean tell them about us?”

Ji Yong nodded.

“Are you sure?”

“Well, I've thought about it and I really can't keep this a secret from them that long, right? It's killing me inside, hyung!”, he exclaimed. “But only to my mom and my sister. My dad might you know, not take it well.”

“Done.”

Two weeks later, they were at the Kwon residence, telling Ji Yong's mother and sister about the news- that they were releasing a mini album in a couple of days and that they were, to put it bluntly, dating.

Much to their surprise, the mother and the sister were more than cool about it.

“Dong saeng-ah”, said his sister “I knew you've always been different but I didn't know you were THIS different. And with T.O.P., too!” Seung Hyun chuckled at the remark. It was first time he heard her call him T.O.P. and though it sounded foreign, it brought warmth to his ears.

The scene was too Hallmark-ish, it was offensive- the Kwon mother and sister having tea and bread at the garden with two of Korea's biggest idols. They were talking about herbal medicines and music piracy and the funny realization that they can't give them grand children.

Seung Hyun and Ji Yong basked in the moment. They held hands under the marble table.

On the way out, Ji Yong's mother pulled Seung Hyun aside. Her face was serene and tender, unusual for the woman, that it made his tummy knot.

“Seung Hyun. I've known you for a long time and I know you're a good person.”, she held his hand. “Please promise you won't break Ji Yong's heart. Just... don't. He's not that strong.”

Emotions of different sorts came rushing in in an instant and it almost drowned Seung Hyun. Suddenly, he was given a responsibility so big, he wasn't sure himself if it can be fulfilled. Of course not, he won't ever fucking break Ji Yong's heart, but why did it sound so troubling when it came from his mother?

Seung Hyun smiled. “I promise.”

***

The rest of the year happened and all was good and well for everyone. They were informed that they won't have much activities in the country for the rest of 2009 as they'd have to concentrate in Japan. Eyes were on them and it was getting harder to spend quality time together. This frustrated them both, most especially Ji Yong. What would he give for a night in bed with Seung Hyun? Or even just for a kiss. For a mother-fucking kiss?

The younger man's life had revolved around Seung Hyun. Everyone else who wasn't Seung Hyun or who did not favor their love was enemy.

And then came spring of 2009.

On a normal Wednesday afternoon, right after rehearsals, Seung Hyun received a phone call, perhaps the most important one he'd gotten in his life. The number did not register but the person's voice on the other line, familiar. The man did not even make him speak or reason out. He merely gave a long, articulated speech and the one-sided conversation went on for 18 minutes.

Seung Hyun detachedly put the phone down, mind made up that he didn't love Ji Yong anymore. Just like that, everything he shared with Ji Yong will but be a dim memory.

He screamed and punched the wall and knocked the chair down when Seung Hyun said he was fucking someone else; that they should stop seeing each other. But the older one was adamant, decided that there was more to life than Ji Yong, like women, for example.

And then Ji Yong was crying like he had lost Seung Hyun in a war. “You can't do this to me!”, he wailed. But it's too late, Seung Hyun already did. He slid his mobile phone across the table towards Ji Yong and there they were, on the LCD screen- the photos of the slut, smiling and adorable and kissing Seung Hyun's cheek. They looked happy.

Ji Yong lost it but quite honestly, Seung Hyun didn't give a damn. No words, no answered phone calls, not even a look in his eyes. For three weeks, the older man ignored Ji Yong's existence until that afternoon, when he came rushing in to the apartment, begging for him to be taken back.

Seung Hyun knew, much as it pained him inside, that the last sequence of the beautiful film he starred in with his beloved had to end this way.

***

After what seemed like an eternity, Ji Yong slowly lifted his head and in a daze, began to strip himself naked.

“Stop it, Ji.”, commanded the older one but his words fell on deaf ears.

He left nothing on his body except for the ring that Seung Hyun gave him. With half-lidded eyes and a smile of contentment- which was somewhat deceiving as a look of seduction- he made his way towards Seung Hyun, in awkward baby steps.

“Ji Yong, don't.”

His words dripped of sadness and pity, as if he had given up on the fight that he had already won.

But Ji Yong heard nothing, not even his own foot steps. The younger man, in all his bare glory sat himself upon Seung Hyun's lap and took the other's hand and made him knead on his penis. He leaned forward and began licking on Seung Hyun's neck and nibbling on his lips. Ji Yong even started to grind against his crotch, without putting much thought into what he was doing. It was automatic, like a dance routine rehearsed so many times that it's second nature to you.

Unfortunately for Ji Yong, throughout all this, Seung Hyun was unresponsive. He could taste the blood from the smaller man's lips but he merely froze from where he sat.

And after a few minutes, the movement subsided. Without a word or a tear, Ji Yong dressed up and walked out of the room and finally, the end credits were ready to roll. He did not even look back at Seung Hyun one last time.

The door shot, silence filled the room. Outside his bedroom window, the sun was nearing its retirement.

Reluctantly, Seung Hyun took out his cell and speed-dialed a number.

“It's done. It's over.”, he uttered with full conviction, voice reeking of concealed hatred.

“Good. Now move on with your lives.”

“Are you happy now, huh? Is your life better already?” Seung Hyun was trying all he can to keep the rage that was building up inside of him. He wanted to scream and cry and kill someone all at the same time but the person on the other line couldn't possibly see or hear him break down.

“Seung Hyun, don't fucking hate on me. I had to do what needed to be done. A few years from now, you will thank me for this.”

“What, for breaking Ji Yong's heart? Sure. Sure...”, his words were uncooperative, disjointed and consumed by wrath. “You better keep your promise. His solo album, his concerts. A share in the company. Everything and anything he asks for, you better fucking give it to him.”

The person on the other line continued to sound nonchalant and it incensed him more.

“Done. And you won't be left out, too. You're doing the drama. And three movies are lined up. And your own solo-”

“I don't fucking care about what happens to me, okay?! This isn't about me! It was never about me!” Seung Hyun burst out, cutting off the other man.

“Relax, kid. Just let it go for now. Tomorrow you have a recording so you better act professional. Just pretend this never happened. I'll see you.”

Then there it was, the dial tone.

Seung Hyun stared at the his mobile phone, hands trembling. He was going to explode from all the hurt and anger that had been locked up within him the past weeks. But he couldn't even cry. He knew that it was the right thing to do- to be unselfish again. One has to be the sacrificial lamb after all, and he'd much rather be the one to carry the burden of walking away.

He dialed another number and a woman answered from the other line.

“I'm sorry, Mrs. Kwon.”, Seung Hyun remorsefully spoke. “I broke my promise.”

Once upon a time, he loved Ji Yong and that time is the rest of his life.

End.

----

I have claimed that these situations happened in real life. I'm a believer like that. Anyhow, comments would be very much appreciated. I don't know, this might be my last GTOP story. Not sure if this whole fanfic-writing thing works for me. I'd continue to read others' stories though because this fandom has a lot of awesome writers *cough butterflyweb ~~rawthornewrites~~ lovelyable ~~cough* but yeah, not fishing or anything but I don't know if I'm cut out for this.~~

-edit-

Just to clarify things, if ever I were to stop writing GTOP, or lay low for a while, it's because I'm really, seriously not sure if this is something I'm meant to do. I write, don't get me wrong. A lot. I won't ever stop. But fiction was never my forte, more so fan fiction, which involves real people as characters. I was rather exhausted after finishing this story and honestly, I wasn't sure anymore if I write these things as an "expression" or just out of my utter love for this pairing. I love TabiYong so much, it almost became an obligation. But I'm glad people appreciate and like what I do.

Apologies if I worried y'all! (And that shout-out for my fave writers, well, just in case this will be my last (hope not), I just wanna let them know I'm a fan. Woot!)

-end edit- TL;DR'd. Lol.

Thanks for reading my silly fics though and I'd really try my best to write again! Thank you!</div>

And Your Mother, Too

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:43:11 GMT

Title: And Your Mother, Too
Author: iamnotawriter
Pairings: G-Top, Seung Hyun/Ji Yong
Rating: NC-17 aka PWP
Disclaimer: I own G-Top so bow before me now.

I'm back! After months of not writing any fanfiction, I'm finally back with a TabiYong vengeance. And seriously, this is just porn. No expectations, please. I've been deprived of hot G-Top fics lately so I decided to just write one myself. This was is inspired by the movie Y Tu Mama Tambien and no, you don't have to watch it to understand what's going on. Hope you guys would like it... somehow. Again, PORN. I wrote it just 'coz.

---

Seung Hyun stared at the cover of the DVD his friend recommended to him.

Y Tu Mama Tambien. He’s heard about the Mexican film before but never really paid much attention to it. He was never a fan of non-Korean movies anyway, unless they involve hot chicks. With big boobs.

Unfortunately the woman on the cover is neither hot nor is she well-endowed. But for the sake of not being labeled 'shallow' by the said friend who lent him the copy, he figured, he should give it a try. Afterall, it was a lazy Saturday night and everyone’s out.

As the opening credits rolled, he opened his first bottle of soju and chugged it down like beer. What a bad idea, he realized, after the scent and taste of pure alcohol overwhelmed his senses. It was going to be a long night.

A few minutes into the film and the door opened. The lean figure stumbled in the dark as he tried to take his flamboyant shoes off. Seung Hyun chuckled.

“I thought you were going out with the noonas.” said Seung Hyun.

“Yeah, but I canceled last minute. I just decided I’m gonna write some songs tonight.” Ji Yong replied, taking off his coat and hat. “How about you, are you watching a movie?”

“Uh-huh. Some random Mexican film, ‘And Your Mother, Too’. Well, it’s not that random. It has actually apparently won a lot of awards.”

“That’s the title? ‘And Your Mother, Too’?”, asked the amused leader.

“I know, right? You wanna watch?”

“Sure. It may give me some inspiration. I’ll be back in a few.”

A couple of minutes later, Ji Yong was back in the living room in his shorts and a hoodie, holding 2 cans of ice-cold beer. He sat down beside a soju-drinking Seung Hyun, who seemed a little too absorbed in the movie to notice his presence.

“They’re really pretty good actors...”, uttered Ji Yong, snapping Seung Hyun out of the trance.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah! They’re good. Good actors…”

The younger man could only smirk and shake his head at his hyung’s awkward answer.

What both of them didn’t know is that the movie is more than about coming-of-age. It is a sexually-charged story with a little too much humping scenes for their own good. Not to get them wrong but they do watch porn, especially Seung Hyun. However, it’s always either just by themselves in front of their laptops or as a group, sans Young Bae.

Never just the two of them together. In a dimly-lit living room. And they’re even fuckin’ drinking alcohol.

Seung Hyun started to feel uneasy, shifting his position on the sofa from time to time. He was starting to feel his mouth lose moisture and for that, he took sip after sip of soju.

Ji Yong, too, was beginning to feel the heat. He gulped on his second beer, fast, if only to drown away the fire in his crotch.

“Fuck.”, he mumbed when he realized that he was down to the last drop. “I’m getting more. You want?”

“No, thanks”, answered an indifferent Seung Hyun, clearly trying his best to keep his cool.

Ji Yong stood up and walked towards the kitchen. Only then did Seung Hyun notice that the younger man’s shorts were a tad too… short. And tight. And it does make his thin legs look sexy.

Seung Hyun closed his eyes and shook his head, mentally cursing himself for even thinking such thoughts. Sure, he’d always thought Ji Yong was cute, especially when he’s not trying hard to look bad-ass. It still amazes him that someone with such a strong character can look like, well, a girl. A very pretty girl, in fact. And Seung Hyun likes them pretty girls, not boys, certainly not another member of his own boyband.

But damn, Ji Yong had been looking hotter and hotter lately, he thought to himself once again, only this time, he had to slap himself in the face to force the thoughts away.

The woman was panting as she ground on top of a man in the car when Ji Yong returned to the living room. They both kept silent as they went through scenes after scenes of breast-fondling and pumping and moaning and cursing in Spanish, which, to Ji Yong’s ears sounded really passionate. And it turned him on.

All the younger man could do was clear his throat, over and over, and maybe conceal his hardening member with one of the throw pillows.

He wasn’t drunk, of course not. He’s only had four cans of beer anyway. But from his peripheral, he swore he could see his hyung look at him from time to time, as if waiting for him to look back. He had even stretched out his arms on the couch such that he almost had his arms around Ji Yong’s shoulders. Ji Yong could be imagining things but whatever, it was driving him nuts.

He had always liked Seung Hyun but just because he’s fun to be with. It didn’t even make sense to him why all those girls would throw themselves at his hyung when all he knew was crack stupid jokes. But things took a different turn a couple of months back when he succumbed to the ultimately dumb idea of reading a TOP/G-Dragon fanfiction.

His sister chanced upon a blog dedicated to their pairing and nagged him to read the stories and see the photo manipulations because ‘they were really cute and holy crap convincing’. But he read a wrong one and it was, as fate would have it, NC-17. He hadn’t seen Seung Hyun in the same light since.

He must admit though, they look fine as a 'couple'. And Seung Hyun can be really REALLY attractive, especially when he’s looking at you in the eyes. This thought made Ji Yong bite his lips and it was only then that he realized that the three main characters were taking each other's clothes off. And the woman was fucking going down on both men, until you could see her on screen no more, and the two men started mother-fucking making out and this made Ji Yong gasp for air and sweat like a can of frozen cola left to thaw inside a sauna.

And out of instinct, perhaps, he turned to Seung Hyun, who was staring back at him with those beautiful, hypnotic eyes and without uttering a single word, they moved closer to each other, painfully slow, until their lips met and Ji Yong let out a soft whimper, which instantly made its way into his hyung’s pants.

The movie was completely forgotten.

Their kiss was gentle at first because maybe, just maybe, both were testing the waters, waiting for the other to pull away. And when no one did, the kiss turned more passionate, more manly, just the way Seung Hyun wants it. He grasped onto Ji Yong’s hair, pulled his head back and stared at the younger man with utter lust, as if saying ‘I can’t believe I fucking have you’. He then dove into his leader’s mouth again and probed deeper with his tongue.

Ji Yong felt like he was falling off a cliff- it was already happening and he had no other choice but to let go and enjoy the ride. The older man smelled really nice, like roasted cinnamon, only better, and scenes from the fanfiction flashed through his mind and dear heavens was he glad he read that story because he had never done it with a man before and didn’t know what was happening or what he was supposed to do.

With his tongue still inside Ji Yong’s mouth, Seung Hyun laid the smaller man down on the sofa and began nibbling on his jaw and neck. He never thought Ji Yong could be so delicate, so soft. The only light source in the room was the TV monitor and the shadows created by the rolling end credits further emphasized Ji Yong’s exquisite features. It fueled Seung Hyun’s desire.

He started to rub his palm against Ji Yong’s crotch, which elicited a brain-melting moan from the other. Oh, was that a fucking hot moan! And Ji Yong doesn’t hold back either unlike some women, and for this, Seung Hyun kept on rubbing on his shorts and sucking on the younger one’s neck at the same time.

And then he sat up.

A baffled and panting Ji Yong opened his eyes and searched for the warm body on top of him. He found Seung Hyun staring at his form and licking his lips before his hyung yanked his shorts and briefs away to reveal an almost completely-hardened member.

Ji Yong’s cheeks flushed at the sudden exposure and he even hated himself for wearing such a tight underwear. But all traces of embarrassment were drained away when he felt a warm tongue lick his throbbing penis.

Ji Yong covered his face in delirium.

“Hyuuuung… Guh, uhh, Seung Hyun-ah... Ugh! Ugh!”

It was virtually torture but he wasn’t complaining. Unbeknownst to the older boy, Ji Yong had never been given a head before and it was his first time. He writhed and panted and practically wrapped his right leg around Seung Hyun’s torso and Ji Yong going mad before him made Seung Hyun very, very happy. Almost evil-ly so.

He lapped on the reddened penis, producing sounds that made Ji Yong deaf and slowly licked on the bottom of the shaft over and over before focusing all his attention on the slit, brimming with a white, sticky substance he’s oh-so-familiar with.

He knew that Ji Yong was a thread away from coming and with that, he grabbed his bottle of soju, took a gulp of the still cooled alcohol and then took Ji Yong in his mouth again.

Ji Yong felt like he was shot.

Did Seung Hyun just stop him from ejaculating? He couldn’t think anymore and his mind was lost in a haze of lust and surrender. But he knew what he wanted from the older man and he was going to get it that night, come hell or high water.

With half-lidden eyes, he pulled Seung Hyun up and locked his mouth against the other’s. He hastily pulled the taller man’s shirt away, urging him to do the same to him. Ji Yong couldn’t keep his hands off of Seung Hyung’s body. He had known his band mate for almost a decade already but how many times had he seen him exposed? Thrice? Eight times? Never?

But that night, Ji Yong did not merely see him topless. Seung Hyun was naked in front of him, no, on top of him, grinding his pelvis against his body and mother fucker, Ji Yong felt like he was the luckiest bitch on earth. He was even playing with his hyung’s nipples. It was… unreal. Like getting high on cocaine that is made of stars.

Seung Hyun, on the other hand, was loving the feeling of his dampened body against Ji Yong’s. He had not done anything of this kind with another man but for some reason, he was enjoying it. A little too much, in fact. Or maybe because it was Ji Yong, who doesn’t look bad at all without any clothes on and moans much fucking better than most of the women he’s had sex with. He was even biting on his ears. Seung Hyun was sold.

And just as he thought that, Ji Yong pulled away and looked him with fiery eyes.

“Fuck me, Seung Hyun hyung. Fuck… me… bad.”, he spoke like a hungry feline, the last words dripping like honey.

It was more a command, really, than a plea but Seung Hyun wouldn’t take it any other way.

Moments like these almost always guarantee that the parties involved are not prepared. Like Seung Hyun and Ji Yong. It was a real situation, not some badly-produced porn flick. No condom and lube would magically appear. More than that, straight men don’t keep lube.

Seung Hyun spit on his palm and gently wet Ji Yong’s entrance. He took a deep breath at first before inserting his pointer finger inside the squirming man. Seeing the uneasiness in the other’s face, he felt bad for what he was doing but it had to be done. When the hole was stretched a bit, the second finger made its way in and Ji Yong gasped and grabbed on his wrist.

“Can you take it?”, tenderly asked the older man. He had almost forgotten that Ji Yong was not his girlfriend, not a woman.

Ji Yong caught his breath first, then swallowed hard before nodding and giving him the go signal once again.

Two fingers became three and the three played inside, stretching and preparing him for what was about to come.

And without warning, in all his bare glory, Seung Hyun entered Ji Yong and holy mother fucker the room turned into glistening diamonds and a live orchestra began playing in the background. The taller one kept his pace slow at first, observing Ji Yong for signs of pain and possibly waiting for him to utter the word ‘stop’.

But of course, Ji Yong would never say that. Because though he felt like he was being ripped apart at the beginning, it eventually gradually felt good, oh so good even that he couldn’t help but whimper and spread his legs out even more.

The moaning and the biting of lips did it for Seung Hyun. He quickened his thrusting and even held on to Ji Yong’s legs to give him a better angle, which he pushed back a bit such that they were just about resting on his shoulders. And then he rammed further and deeper until there it was- the apparent change in Ji Yong’s expression. He knew he had hit the spot. Yet again, a smirk.

“Mother of ugh!!! Hhmm.. Ugh! Seung… Hyun-ah… Gaaaahhh! Oh fuck! Ugh!”

Ji Yong’s thoughts have completely left him. His words were but babbles and incoherence. His hyung had tapped onto something within him, something he didn’t know even existed. All knew he was that it was somehow connected to the brain because every time Seung Hyun plunged in and his penis would touch that thing inside, a part of his brain dissolved. Or at least that’s how it felt.

Ji Yong was shuddering beneath him. His hands were desperately gripping on the corners of the sofa and his lips were parted as he panted. He was moaning so much, so loud, he was almost crying. But not out of pain or sorrow- out of want and lust and if Seung Hyun wasn’t reading too much into it, even happiness.

And in a second, something tugged within Seung Hyun’s heart. Suddenly, it wasn’t just about fucking anymore. Sure, he was losing his mind, too, inside Ji Yong’s tight and hot entrance and if he were to die that night, right there and then, inside and on top of the leader, he wouldn’t give a shit. But seeing Ji Yong like that, he wanted to bring him somewhere else, somewhere he knew Ji Yong had never been before.

And as if almost on cue, right before Ji Yong moaned his name for the nth time, he silenced the younger man with his mouth and once again, kissed him with all passion. Ji Yong wrapped his arms around the other’s neck and pushed himself up to meet his thrusts. He was almost there. Almost.

Then he felt something clasp on his aching member and this made him shut his eyes open just in time for Seung Hyun to break the kiss. His hyung was now staring at him with those spell-binding eyes, all the while pumping on his member and pushing fast inside of him and all the sensations and sounds were breaking him down and he knew he was crying, with tears this time, and pleading and falling and when Seung Hyun thumbed on his weeping slit, he just had to scream.

Ji Yong came into his hyung’s hand.

Hearing his name escape the younger man’s mouth in an exclamation of utter bliss was all it took for Seung Hyun to lose it himself and spill inside Ji Yong’s body.

And then everything was white. And silent.

A few moments later, he pulled himself off of the younger man and neither said a word as they both cleaned themselves up and went to their respective rooms. That was how the night ended. That was how their 20-minute love story ended.

Honestly, however, Ji Yong still wanted to lay down there with Seung Hyun’s arms wrapped around him and though he will never admit, the older one would’ve liked to spend the rest of the night sleeping in Ji Yong’s room. But they’re both straight men and straight men don’t do shit like that and so the two decided never talk about the incident again, ever, and just pretend it was all but a scene in a random Mexican movie that no one but themselves have seen.

A week later, their producer received a music sheet from Ji Yong, complete with lyrics and a demo recording. ‘And Your Mother, Too’ is the title of the song. It was to become a hit.

End.

---

Comments and such will be much loved. ALL HAIL G-TOP.

Kpop vs. Kim Hee Chul

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 03:35:33 GMT

Title: Kpop vs. Kim Hee Chul
Rating: PG-15 (The Heech is a swear machine)
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters except for Hee Chul. Yeah.
Summary: The KRY boys tried to kill our main guy. Well, that's according to Hee Chul. And also, he lets you in on what went on at the Boys Over Flowers auditions.
Past entries: Prologue, 1, 2, 3

Just so you guys know, I have nothing against any of the kpop characters here. It's fiction. What. But there's a lot of kpop hatin' from Hee Chul so if you're not up for crack and laughs, then don't read. Also, comments, in any form or shape, are very encouraging. Ciao!

***

4: Boys Over Fuckers

‘Sup, bitches?

OMGWTFBBQ I’m kinda freaking out right now. Pooper (yeah, the fugnonymous mother-effer, hell-bent on taking me down) messaged me again last night with a mischievous-looking smiley giving me the middle finger. Oooh. Wow. Classy. But that’s not really the reason why I’m freaking out.

Earlier today, the KRY boys tried to kill me.

Okay, just so you guys know, I’d rather be paparazi’d in drag, wearing Lady Gaga’s clothes than be seen hanging out with those three losers. Like srsly.

So I was on my way out of the dorm, about to go to the mall to buy the DVD’s that I owed Mithra after losing a bet (it’s a Studio Ghibli set which cost me an arm and a kidney), when I saw 3 strange-looking people blocking the door. I kinda panicked at first because WTF I thought we were being robbed or something when one of them spoke and said “Hee Chul hyung, you need to come with us.”

I recognized the voice to be Ryeo Wook’s but the person was black. As in Michael-Jackson-circa-1978-black. With a fuckin’ afro.

“Ryeo Wook?”, I asked, utterly confuzzled, to which he replied, “You recognize me?”

Uhm. No, not really. Not with those acid-washed jeans and denim jacket you’re wearing and who the hell are those two? Good lord, is that Kyu Hyun dressed as a beggar complete with tattered clothes and dirt on his face and Ye Sung in a firefighter costume? Why the fuck do you guys exist?

iegdkjbxiuedsklhskdjh yes i am keyboard-smashing right now oidhkczhksedhosaoish you would too if you were me uigdksiakslkdas1wksdkjh

“Whatever, hyung” said the beggar. “You have to come with us today come hell or high water. We are watching the Wonder Girls’ exclusive VIP-only private show and Yoo Bin said she’d only give us passes if we bring you along.”

Yoo Bin. That bitch again. Ugh.

“I’m sorry? What? No fucking way. And why the hell do you look like you’re going to a Halloween party?” I was getting more and more incensed by the minute.

“Oh, c’mon, hyung. We can’t possibly be seen in public fanboying them. We need disguises. I mean, fans will be everywhere! We don’t want to cause a commotion.”

“WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU’RE NOT EVEN POPULAR!!! DO PEOPLE EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE??? WHY DON’T YOU JUST STRANGLE ME NOW AND SELL MY BODY TO MED STUDENTS???” I said, screaming my lungs out. I must’ve popped a vein or something. “AND TELL THAT YOO BIN GIRL TO STOP HER ANTICS ALREADY BECAUSE I. WILL. NEVER. GO. OUT. WITH. HER. EVER!”

Just when I thought my fury was enough to shut them up, the three looked at each other, nodded and began singing. In harmony. To Hyo Ri nuna’s “U-Go-Girl”.

Hyung, hey Hee Chul hyung
Da-da-da-da-da-da-dat hyung
Please please come with us
It’s the only favor we’d ever ask!

I kid you not, I cried blood. Sure, the KRY boys may not have tried to literally kill me but their very presence just made my life shorter.

Shit. Why am I talking about them? On with the more important stuff I was to tell you about. The Boys Over Flowers auditions.

Jeebus. You won’t believe what happened there and who the hell tried out. I went to the venue pretty late, thinking that they probably sent the invitation only to selected celebrities. Little did I know, it was an open casting and every single male idol and their mothers were there. Okay, maybe not all. But I did see that annoyingly friendly crap crap crap Seung Ri, some dude from Click-B whose name I don’t even remember, Hwan Hee from FTTS, who I’m sure was auditioning for the part of a Chicano, Lee Seung Gi, and OMG Crown J, among others. Also in the auditions were Hong Ki, Kang In (and 4 other juniors), Kim Jae Wook and yes, Tablo. But WTF I almost peed my pants when I saw a familiarly chubby man with iron-curled hair…

“Moon Hee Joon hyung?”, I asked out loud, not even bothering to hide my bafflement.

“What?” he answered, glaring.

What in the world are you doing here? Do you not know the characters are supposed to be young? And hot? What, is there an “uncle” role you’re vying for? Also, why are you even still in show business? I wanted to say those words but I merely bit my tongue and just gave a faint, “Hi! Long time, no see, huh?”

We were never really fond of each other but it’s not like I know of anyone who likes MHJ anyway. I mean, how could you? I learned that he was there specifically for the Domyouji role as he’s like a huge fan of the Japanese manga. Hence, the hairdo. And since MHJ is eternally PMS-ing and was giving everyone the “don’t-mess-with-me-or-I’ll-rockstar-you-out” look, I ended the convo as fast as I can.

Anyway, so it was my time to go in. The producer asked me to state my name and the projects I’ve done and I thought ‘Dude, I’m THE Kim Hee Chul. How can you not know who I am?' but of course, I didn’t say that. So I did as I was told and then lady asked, “So, which role do you want the most?”

I mean, seriously. SERIOUSLY.

Hanazawa Rui. I wanted to be Rui. The Rui role is mine! Hell, I even pretended to play the violin with my eyes closed and did a monologue with the most angelic-slash-poker-face I could pull off. And then they talked amongst themselves.

Man 1: He looks a tad too brash, don’t you think?
Lady 1: Yeah, he can pass as Rui but wtf he talks like Domyouji! So angry!
Lady 2: I really like him but hey, all the guys I’ve dated are douchebags so don’t take my word for it.
Man 1: Wait, is he really a guy?
Man 2: Let’s just get him to throw lines with another auditionee.

Fuckers. >_>

Just as he said that, someone brought SNSD’s Hyo Yeon in. Yes, she was auditioning for the lead female role. Please don’t ask me why because I was equally startled. I have known her way before she got her multiple surgeries and I just can’t, for the life of me, take her seriously. Not that I hate her. She’s just plain ugly.

And so we threw some lines where I was supposed to tell her that she’s the most beautiful and precious girl I have ever seen. HOW THE HELL COULD I DO THAT?! That’s like saying Shin Dong is underweight and G-Dragon is psychologically sane. My acting skills were overpowered by the mental image of a pre-debut Hyo Yeon picking her nose and flicking the booger ball to Yoo Na’s hair.

I couldn't keep a straight face. I couldn't even look her in the eyes. Hell, I fought the urge to push her away when she was batting her lashes at me. In other words, I just… failed. Miserably.

On my way out of the building, I felt really really uhm, suicidal. I wanted that role so bad, much more when I watched the cast do a horrible job. But all my emotions were washed away and I froze in utter shock when I realized that the only other person inside the elevator was the most gorgeous human being that ever walked this earth- Daniel Henney. You have no idea how much I adore that man. No idea!

“Hi, I’m Daniel.”, he said, smiling and extending a hand.

‘Hi, I love you!’, I wanted to reply but instead I nervously smiled back and shook hands with him. “Hee Chul.”

“Nice to meet you, Hee Chul! See you around.” were his last words before he stepped out of the elevator.

Dear readers, I creamed my boxers and almost fainted. At that moment, I knew that he would be mine no matter what happens. udwhkjsdsku I'm totally blushing right now!

ps: Please stop spreading rumors that I am gay.

Kpop vs. Kim Hee Chul

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 05:25:21 GMT

Title: Kpop vs. Kim Hee Chul
Rating: PG-15 (Hee Chul doesn't like kids reading his blog)
Disclaimer: Hee Chul is a bitch and we gotta deal.
Summary: In this entry, Chullie shares what he found out when he saw Big Bang's Dae Sung and KARA's Kang Ji Youg together in the mall. Also, why he hates the show Boys Over Flowers.
Past entries: Prologue, 1, 2

More revelations, guys! I really enjoy writing this (in behalf of Hee Chul, that is) and I do wish it makes you laugh or something. If you don't like celebrity-bashing, then this isn't for you. Comments are loved and please tell your flist who like crack.

***

3: Oh, That Psycho Bitch?

‘Sup, bitches?

Heechie-yo here again! So, how was your week? Mine was full of fail, as usual for the sheer fact that I am a Super Junior and I live with idiots in the hostel. Just a couple of days ago, Sung Min barged into my room and was like “Hyung, which is better? This wig or this wig?”. In his right hand was a curly, blond fake hair and a short, blue one in the other.

Also, he was wearing a Lolita outfit.

“Hmm…”, I answered thoughtfully, my fingers touching my chin. “why don’t you just kill your self?”

A whiny bitch that he is, Sung Min stomped his foot and said “Hee Chul hyung! I’m serious! I’m attending a cosplay event and I need to stand out AND at the same time, be disguised! Oh gawd, imagine how much haters I’d get if people find out that I randomly crossdress!!!”

Dude. They make us do that on national television. What the hell is new? And so I just smiled at him and then completely ignored his presence.

The next day, it was Kang In’s turn to be a douche. He bought this weird-ass thingamajig online from Japan, which you’re supposed to wear in the bath to make your face smaller. I honestly thought he borrowed it from TOP or something because only that Big Bang dude would wear something as hideous as that in public. Anyway, the bastard was wearing it the WHOLE FUCKING DAY even while we were rehearsing! Gaddemmet. Even when the manager hyungs told him to take it off, he only gave them a shrug and insisted that it’d make him look like Lee Min Ho. hsdkjhiugdbckd!!! Ugh. I have so much hate for him right now. YES HE IS STILL WEARING IT AS I TYPE THIS.

Dear Hannibal-like mask, I will burn you and feed you to rats when I get my hands on you.

Anyhoo, in my last entry I left a cliffhanger about Dea Sung and KARA’s Kang Ji Young, whom Hong Ki and I saw at the mall, shopping together like a couple. Ooohhhh scandal! The Heech likes!

If there are things you oughtta keep in mind as an idol, it’s 1. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE A BF/GF (at least, not let the public know about it) and 2. DATING ANOTHER IDOL IS SYNONYMOUS TO CAREER SUICIDE (can I haz rolls my eyes now?). And oh, before I forget 3. Fanservice works (like olive oil on dry skin).

Dae Sung knew he was dead. He pulled me aside while Hong Ki chatted with the girl.

“Heenim! It’s not what you think!” he said, panically. <- I just invented this word, panically. I think it’s cute. Also, did he really call me Heenim? *falls to the ground*

“She’s blackmailing me! We hung out once! Just once!!! And she took selca pics of us and drew hearts on them and stuff and when I said I can’t hang out with her anymore, she was like ‘And you want our couple photos on Naver and Cyworld tonight, oppa?’ She even saved my ALL text messages to her! Ji Young's a psycho bitch! Psycho bitch, I tell you! Heenim, what do I do?”

Oh. He really called me Heenim. Dae Sung, I love you already.

I looked at the girl and though I’m not particularly close with KARA, she just… seemed… a tad too sweet. And bubbly. Yeah, like those characters in Idol World dramas who turn out retarded in the end. OMFG could she be the one sending me those threatening messages? Skahdkbzbdjsgk!!1!!11!!

“Dude. Steal her phone when she’s not looking. Then destroy it together with all the evidences and bam! You’re free and clean again.”

Dae Sung's face brightened up and he smiled his trademark "dumb and dumber" smile. For a flicker of a second, I think I even saw his eyes get bigger, if that is even possible. I know, kid. I am a jinyas!

“Hyung! You are brilliant!”, he exclaimed, giving me a hug and a high five. “Aaah, I’m so glad I saw you today! But please let’s keep this our little secret, eh? Even the Big Bang members don’t know about this.”

Sorry, DS. I’m afraid it’s not possible.

A few days later, I received a text message from him:

“Heenim! Mission accomplished!
Thank you sssoooo much! ‘(^_^)’
U R the best!
Also, would you like to
guest on Family Outing?
Hehehe.”

I spazzed like no other when I read that. Family Outing is like FTMFW! I mean, don’t you think I’d fit in the show? Am I not like perfect for it? I have no idea why they got that mosquito-voiced Kim Jong Kook as the new member when clearly, CLEARLY, my entertainment value is waaaayyyyy higher than his.

Speaking of hit shows I should have been a part of, Boys Over Flowers finally ended a couple of weeks ago. Pft. I only watched the first episode to see how the actors did. And I cringed. A lot. Because quite honestly, I don’t know why they casted those non-thespians *coughdudefromss501cough* to play the F4. KIM HYUN JUNG CAN'T ACT TO SAVE HIS LIFE KTHNX. Grrr. I shoulda been Yoon Ji Hoo but something happened during the auditions, which I will tell you about next time.

For now, I’m hitting the sack because that pornographer Han Geng doesn’t know how to use a headphone and the moans and 'kimochii’s' and 'yamete kudasai, sensei’s' from his illegally downloaded AV is very very distracting.

Wait. Are those two guys???????? O___o;;;

Anticipation

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 17:49:20 GMT

Title: Anticipation
Rating: PG-13 (first time for g-top!)
Summary: Have no idea how to summarize this. Just read.
Disclaimer: Seung Hyun and Ji Yong are real human beings. How can you own a human being?

I'm back with g-top. What has this couple done to me? I never wrote as frequently before! Anyway, this is kind of short. And with the rating, you know what to expect. I really hope you guys would enjoy it somehow and seriously, you have to read it while listening to this song (at least at the last part)! It's Run by Snow Patrol. Comments are really encouraging.

***

The clouds are missing in the afternoon sky. Ji Yong looks out the open window. He feels the chilly wind against his face. Something is begging him to jump out of the vehicle and run away. Fast. Before the truth catches up with him.

A nail, bitten. Verses of a song formed in his head. In the streets outside, a woman is slapped by her lover. Ji Yong closes his eyes and wishes he would stop driving. His wish is almost instantaneously granted.

Choi Seung Hyun turns a curve and slowly steps on the break. With a face void of emotions, he kills the engine. They have been in the car for more than an hour and no words have been exchanged yet. To their right is an abandoned building. To their left is a vandalized concrete wall. Up ahead is a sign. Dead end, it says.

Seung Hyun takes out a stick and places it between his lips. He searches for a lighter in his pockets but finds none. Ah, a match. He pulls it out from the dashboard compartment and inconspicuously lights a fire. But the sound of the friction blares in Ji Yong’s ears.

A breathy inhale, an inaudible puffing out. Smoke clouding the younger man’s vision. He is compelled to ask for a cigarette but he bites his tongue instead.

Silence. Numbing silence. Minutes after minutes of numbing silence.

Seung Hyun is still absorbed in his nicotine fix as Ji Yong tries to amuse himself by analyzing the packaging of his bottled vitamin water.

Calories: 50, Total fat: 0g, Sodium: 0mg, Total carbohydrates: 13g, Sugar: 13g, Vitamin C: 40% Vitamin B3: 20%, Vitamin B6 20%, Potassium: 150mg per bottle. He realizes the absurdity of the situation and puts the bottle down.

He hesitantly faces Seung Hyun who is the one looking away this time. Maybe reading the graffiti on the wall? Counting the lines on the pavement? Recalling the speech he prepared for this moment?

The boy in the passenger seat feels a knot in his stomach.

Seung Hyun on the other hand finishes a stick and takes another one out mindlessly. Yes, he is trying to remember the words he is supposed to say right now. He even wrote them down last night. But all the nouns and adjectives and verbs, which were meticulously selected are now gone.

His mind is blank as a washed out limbo.

Ji Yong watches him carefully. A fish-shaped scar on Seung Hyun’s nape. He never noticed that before. The older boy is wearing an old, faded jacket and his lower lip is chapped. Ji Yong’s nose turns acid. It’s been days, maybe weeks since their lips have last met.

The driver’s phone rings all of a sudden. Both of them are immediately scooped back to the cold reality.

“Hello?”, quickly answers Seung Hyun. “I’m… in a taping. Yeah. Tonight. Uh-huh. Sorry, I’ll call you back later, they need to talk to me already. Alright. See you later.”

Ji Yong touches the rim of the bottle cap as he listens to Seung Hyun lie to the person on the other line. Ji Yong hastily takes a gulp of the water as he accepts the fact that the time has come. The water is already lukewarm.

“Ji Yong, look…”, Seung Hyun begins with a heavy sigh.

“Do I know who it is?”, he nonchalantly utters, victorious at not showing any hint of pain in his voice.

“What?”

Seung Hyun obviously has no clue that he had known all along. He had read the messages on his phone. Had watched them from afar have dinner. Even knows that they’ve gone on a short vacation together. For three months, he had known.

He just wanted to hear it from him.

“Will you at least let me explain, please?”

“Who is it?”, he insisted much firmly this time. No traces of aching, still.

The other man put his head down. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, as if afraid it will run away.

“That girl… from the university.”

Of course. Ji Yong knows who she is. They met her together during a music video shoot a couple of months back. She is perfect. A princess. Attractive, intelligent, filthy rich. Daughter of a CEO who grew up partly in London. International politics. No desire to be in the entertainment business. How can one say no? How can Seung Hyun not be enamored by her?

The more Ji Yong thinks about the girl, the more he falls apart. Stay still. Be strong. He mentally chants.

“Does she… know about… us?”

Seung Hyun shakes his head.

“I’m really sorry, baby... Ji Yong. It just didn’t seem right anymore.”, his husky voice fills the vehicle. “I wanted to tell you but I guess I can’t, well, I’m not really sure. I’d understand if you hate me.”

He finishes his broken sentence with his face pressed against the wheel. He had never felt so little in his life. Especially not in front of him.

Ji Yong remembers the moment his band mate confessed his feelings to him. They shared a first kiss. And unlike today, the rain was pouring then. He had thrown away everything he believed in. Gave himself and more. Risked loving Seung Hyun. And now, ‘it just didn’t seem right anymore’?

An analog watch is ticking while a lone leaf lands on the windshield. It is carried by a gust of wind. Faint siren in the background and Ji Yong’s heart beating slow and hard. It’s finally over.

“Hyung,” he says, still not making eye contact with his lover. Or former. “what will happen to us now?”

“We are… I don’t know. Going back to the hostel? I’d still be TOP and you’d still be G-Dragon. Our Kwon Leader. We’ll sing and dance and rap.” Seung Hyun shifts his position. His upper body now facing the younger man. This forces the latter to look him in the eyes. “Ji Yong, to make it hurt less, we can forget about this. Pretend this never happened.”

Ji Yong’s lips quiver. Almost. He is able to control it before it’s too late. Stay still. Be strong. Do not break down.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

With trembling hands, he reaches for Seung Hyung’s face. Ji Yong draws it nearer, slowly. He closes his eyes and kisses the other on the chapped lips. One last time.

When the kiss ended, they settle back once more. Tension still lingers but is somehow more bearable. Everything seems orange now because of the setting sun. Seung Hyun turns on the radio and the first few notes of the English song make the younger guy shudder. He knows the song very well. It’s the last thing he’d want to hear now.

No more. He cannot hold on further.

Ji Yong grabs his things and opens the door. He walks away. Step, step, step, step. No one is calling out his name. Step, step. His lover, or former, is not running after him. Breathing heavily. Hails a taxi.

Stay still. Be strong. He mentally chants. But as soon as he bids good bye to a near-empty street, he crumbles. Kwon Ji Yong breaks down.

The End.

***

This is the first time I've ever written in this style. Not really to explain my self but yes, the slow pacing, short sentences and little details are deliberate. Hence, the title. I was inspired by this technique used in a movie. And the song was like made for this fic... :-) Thanks for reading!

Kpop vs. Kim Hee Chul

Sun, 05 Apr 2009 12:06:23 GMT

Title: Kpop vs. Kim Hee Chul
Rating: PG-15 (KHC has a sharp tongue)
Disclaimer: Kim Hee Chul owns Kpop. Got a problem with that?
Summary: 2nd entry from Kim Hee Chul's blog. A good friend, Lee Hong Ki asks him for some love advice. And oh, there's some Dae Sung here, too and some spiked ginseng coffee-tea of win.
Past entries: Prologue, 1

Crack. That's the primary adjective I can use to describe Hee Chul. And this fic is just full of it. Comments are made of pwn. And please share the fics to your friends if you enjoyed it! I am not really very active in comms and such.

***

2: I R TEH LOVE GURU

‘Sup, bitches?

The prince of awesome here, back to give you some really juicy gossip. Heh, come to think of it, it seems like I’m the ‘Gossip Girl’ of kpop. Except that I’m not really a girl. Shut up, fucker. I know what you’re thinking. No, I DON’T have a vajayjay.

Anyhows, we’ve been busy the past couple of weeks in preparation for our promotion. I’ve been stuck with the suju boys and ugh, it’s killing me. I needed some time off and an excuse to chill at the mall. Good thing, I received a call from Hong Ki.

“Hyung”, he said frantically “I have a problem! I don’t know what to do! Can you meet with me? Please? At 11am, let’s meet at the mall. It’s driving me insane already! I need a friend, I need to talk to you! Waaaah!” Yes, he ended with an annoying waaaah.

“Uhm… Good morning, too, Hong Ki. Yes, you woke me up and I’ve only had like 4 hours of sleep. How am I? Not good. Thanks!”, I answered in my normal sarcastic tone.

“Hyung…”

I kinda realized that he wasn’t in the mood to play games and that he was in fact, serious. And so I dragged my ass outta the bed as I had 30 minutes to get ready. The bastard called at 10:00 and wanted to meet by 11. Honestly, if it was some other person, like say, Jong Hyun from Shinee, I would’ve cussed at him like there’s no tomorrow and block his number on my phone. But I’m really close with Hong Ki and I like that kid. He’s funny without intending to be and unlike most guys his age, he never tries to look cool.

Lee Hong Ki’s a big ditz though that I sometimes wonder if he’s a natural blond. I know a lot of celebs his age (or older) hate his guts because he gets all the attention, even if he’s not doing anything. He just stands there, maybe smile a bit and boom! Instant adoration-magnet.

You know that Suh In Young whore? Well, Hong Ki told me that one time, they passed each other backstage and out of courtesy, he smiled and bowed at her. Unfortunately, the man she was with got so smitten by Hong Ki that he couldn’t get his eyes off of him. And that made In Young jealous like whoah that she confronted Hong Ki, lightly pushing him back a bit and was like “Bitch, what the fuck were you doing seducing my man?” and the kid was like “Eh?” “Yes, asshole. I saw it with my two eyes. You were even batting your non-existent lashes ugh!”

Hong Ki may be innocent and sweet but when push comes to shove, he can bitch back at you. “Noona, first and foremost, my lashes are long AND they’re real. Unlike yours. Second, no offense meant but your man kinda looks like a foot. I have better taste. Kthnxbi!” And with that, he walked out, leaving a shocked In Young at the hallway. I actually gave him a high-five when he told me that story. Suh In Young needs to shut up and shave her chin off or something.

Anyway, I digress. Back to the main topic. So Hong Ki and I met up at the mall and he was like all sad and depressed.

“Aish, Hong Ki! Stop being so gloomy! I’m not used to it.”, I said as I took a sip of my spiked ginseng coffee-tea of win.

“But Hyung, you do not understand. I think I have a girlfriend now.”

Hmm. Odd.

“When you say ‘I think I have a girlfriend now’, does that mean that you’re not sure if it’s officially or not or that the guy you’re dating pulled off a HaRiSu? What?”

Hong Ki gave me that ‘Hyung-please-stop-making-jokes-you’re-not-even-funny’ look and I think I even saw a giant sweat drop appear beside his head.

“Remember that girl I was telling you about? (Yeah, that random high school fan?) The one who’s been really like extremely nice and sweet to me? (Who’s a little on the chubby side?) Well, I like her. I really do! But a couple of months ago I met someone and he’s like the most amazing guy on earth. I’m not even kidding. If people find out we’re dating, there would be a 2nd Korean war.”

I’m sorry, my friend. I’m spilling your secret to the world. I guess a war is inevitable.

By the way Hong Ki told me about this guy, it seemed like he really was head over heels with him. Bitch’s eyes were sparkling! I totally understood what he meant, however- that he really liked her but the other one just brings home the bacon. And god knows how much Hong Ki loves his bacon.

“So, who’s the lucky bastard? Please tell me he’s at least cute because you’re too choosy with the people you date!”

I honestly had to roll my eyes when he even put his head down, smiled and blushed before answering “Uhm… So Ji Sub-ssi.”

I nearly dropped my cup and flailed away. SO JI-MOTHERFUCKING-SUB?! As in THE So Ji Sub???? I was like “Dude, stop shitting with me. So Ji Sub is totally not gay! He is So Ji Sub! How the fuck can he be gay?”

“Yes, Hee Chul hyung, and that’s what you thought about Lance Bass and what you said about your self, too. Plus, he told me he’s really not gay though. Has never dated nor liked a man before. Until we’ve met.”

Okay, that son of a gun Hong Ki probably feels like a princess now, I can pretty much see an imaginary shimmering tiara on his head. Not only is So Ji Sub gorgeous and talented and sought-after, the guy’s loaded, too! Fuck. I’m jealous.

Really, Ji Sub hyung? REALLY?

“And your problem is…?”, I asked, utterly confused.

Well, apparently, this is what happened. The afternoon prior, both his “suitors” were texting him. Yadda yadda yadda. And then Mr. So asked him if he’d like to go on a vacation with him to the Philippines. And Hong Ki replied with 'OMG! I’d love to!', but he mistakenly sent the message to the girl, who texted him ‘Oppa, please. Let’s be together like a real couple already.”

And the rest was history.

“Hyung, what do I do?”, asked a distraught Hong Ki. I have no idea why the hell people ask me for love advice. Yun Ho, Ki Bum, holy mother even Kang Ho Dong and Lee Hyo Ri! I should get paid for this. Wait, no. I should be given a love advice show because clearly, I’m the love guru.

Break up with the bitch. Tell her you like her, that she nice and all but idols can’t really have girlfriends until they’re like what, 45. Yeah, it’d break her heart but shit happens. Don’t worry, it’d make her stronger. Or a lesbian. But if in case your balls shrink and you can’t break up with her, you can give my number to So Ji Sub and I’d be more than willing to take your place.

Hong Ki laughed but I wasn’t even joking.

“Awww.. Hyung! Thank you!”, he said while glomping me. “I never would’ve known what to do without you.”

And so Kim Hee Chul saved the day once more. I know, I’m amazing like that. So anyway, we decided to go around the mall to do some window shopping or some BROmantic shit like that and in some obscure shop, we saw another idol.

“Dae Sung hyung!”, shouted Hong Ki.

The trot singer-wanna be looked like he saw a ghost or something and forced a smile on his face. I wanted to ask, 'Dude, are you constipated?' but instead I just said “Dae Sungie! What are you doing here? You’re shopping by your self?”

Just before he was able to answer, a perky, googly-eyed girl came out from the dressing room and said “Dae Sung oppa, does this look good on me?”

Dear god, it was the underaged Kang Ji Young of Kara.

I’ll tell you the rest of the story next time ‘coz demmet I’m sleepy as hell. The Heech needs his beauty rest, mmkay? And fucking bitch someone with a really bad body odor just came inside the house! Lemme guess, it’s Eun Hyuk. Yup! I knew it.

The Heech... out!

Kpop vs. Kim Hee Chul

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:04:32 GMT

Title: Kpop vs. Kim Hee Chul
Rating: NC-17 (mainly for Hee Chul language)
Disclaimer: I love cakes. And tequila. You're mentally ill if you think I own these characters.
Summary: First official entry from Kim Hee Chul's English blog and he talks about how he really feels about his group.
Past entries: Prologue

Seems like people enjoyed the intro (prologue) of this Hee Chul-centric fic and so, here's the 1st official entry. I warn all the suju/kpop fans out there though. Kim Hee Chul has a sharp tongue and likes to bash people. If you're sensitive and such, go away. Now. Also, comments keep people writing so yeah. Enjoy!

***

1: Eff My Life

‘Sup, bitches? The Heech in the house!

Ahhh… Don’t you just love the weather these days? Finally, it’s getting warmer and warmer! I can’t help but smile when I wake up in the morning and I feel the rays of the sun touch my face. Then a sweaty, topless Shin Dong would walk past by the slightly opened door and I’d wish I never woke up again.

Don’t get me wrong. I love that pig. So much so that I can actually call him ‘piggy’ face to face. BUT HOLY MOTHERCHUCKER CAN SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS GROUP NOW??? I knew the moment SM signed me up as a trainee that my life was good as fucked.

Yeah. Why didn’t I just try out at YG or something? They at least make their artists look gangstah and shit. But man, I hate hip hop. With a passion. I am a full-blooded rockstar and we all know that rock >>>> hip hop like whoah! Then again, it’s not like I’m in a rock band anyway! Nuh-uh. I’m stuck in a fucking bubblegum boy band with fucking 3746242820 members who sing of songs about fucking cooking and other similar retarded themes. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck yes I’ll swear on this blog as much as I want because it’s all mine if you have a problem with that burn in hell or something!!!!!!

….

Okay. Calm down, Chullie. Calm down. Whew.

Anyway, going back. Well, yeah. You now know my sentiments. And because the purpose of this blog is to tell the fans and the whole world of the truth about the shithole that is Kpop, why don’t I just start with my own group? Your beloved Supah Juniah. Psh. *insert rolling of eyes here*

I have read some of the fan fics you’ve written about us. Actually, I’m quite impressed with your imagination although honestly, reality is much, much stranger than fiction. If you are one of those spastic, possessive, good-god-why-were-you-even-born-into-this-earth elves, then I suggest that you stop reading now and shut off your computer and just ogle our faces on your glossy magazines because, my dear, this won’t be pretty. I’d just have more anti’s and we all know I already have too much of ‘em. No? Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you!

A normal day in our dorms include:

Lee Teuk being a sloth around the house, not helping out in any chores at all. He’s supposedly the “leader” of the group but that’s just ‘coz he’s the oldest. Dude’s got to be the laziest man I’ve ever had the misfortune of working with; Shin Dong stuffing his face with food. I wish I can share something new or surprising about the guy but that’s really all he does; Han Kyung illegally downloading Japanese porn on his computer because that China man is a goddamn horny perve! You won’t believe his collection of porn paraphernalia; Ye Sung being high on marijuana/cocaine/heroine. I swear I have no clue why that drug addict is even an idol, let alone a part of MY group! Oh, and he’s suicidal, too asdfghjkl!!!; Sung Min getting picked on by the others because he’s ‘just too girly and a friggin’ crybaby’; Eun Hyuk studying English. Inoeryt? He even enrolled himself in online classes and we’d often catch him talking to his instructor over the net saying random English phrases like ‘Your umbrella is colorful’ or ‘Thanks but I’m allergic to cucumber’ or ‘I’m so embarrassed, can you run me over with a truck?’; Ryeo Wook hangin’ out with his other ugly friends whom he likes to invite over; Ki Bum preparing our meals looking cute in his boxers, white shirt and apron. Yes, fangirls. You’d kill to stay a week in our hostel; and Kyu Hyun just… well… what the hell does he do anyway? I don’t even talk to that dude. He can leave the group, for all I care ‘coz let’s be honest here- we’d manage well without him.

And that doesn’t even include the guys who don’t stay with us. I’m close with Kang In and all but that bastard snores like hell, it’s not even funny. Shi Won had been coercing me to read the bible and join their church and I’m like… Dude. I’ve caught you masturbating. While reading a National Geographic magazine. Don’t be all holy and shit on me now. And I seriously am glad I don’t live with Dong Hae anymore ‘coz if Ye Sung’s a junkie, well, he’s a fuckin’ alcoholic who needs to drink at least a bottle of soju a day. It’s sad, really, especially when we see him throwing his bile up on the toilet every other night.

Do you feel my misery now, huh? Do you?

Just a couple of days ago in between our rehearsal break, I overhead some of the boys talking and their retarded conversation went like this:

Sung Min: Oh Em Gee. A fan just gave me hot pink boxers with my name embroidered on it! Isn’t that like the cutest thing in the world?
Eun Hyuk: Dude, what are you talking about? Don’t you remember that birthday gift I received from a noona fan? Effin’ genuine Italian leather shoes!
Ki Bum: …which were made in China.
Sung Min: And they’re not even pink.
Eun Hyunk: Yeah, whatever. You’re all just jealous.
Ki Bum: I’m sorry, what? Jealous? Of you? How many fans do you have again?
Sung Min: And ew… they’re all like old and ugly.
Lee Teuk: Hey! What’s wrong with being old?
Ryeo Wook: And ugly?

Just when I was about to stab Lee Teuk in the neck with a fork for joining their stupid banter, a grinning Han Kyung walks over to their group and says, “Did I just hear someone mention China?”

I just stabbed my own neck instead.

ps: If I didn't include the other Suju-M members, well, I don't acknowledge their presence in my life kthnxbi.

Kpop vs. Kim Hee Chul

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 08:57:01 GMT

Title: Kpop vs. Kim Hee Chul
author: iamnotawriter
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Disclaimer: Whoever claims that she owns any Kpop artist needs to be shot. Or something.
Summary: Entries from Hee Chul's other non-Korean blog. All the crack you can get from Cinderella/Joker. Every single idol group will be a part of this and through Chullie's POV at that so watch out. And enjoy. </lj>

***

Prologue: We are all going down

‘Sup, bitches?

Kim Hee Chul here. Yes, as in THE Kim Hee Chul.

So yeah, whatever. We all know that my cyworld minihompy is like the most visited blog in the whole wide world next to Perez Hilton’s, but I decided to open a new one – in English at that – because some fucktard has been sending me threatening messages through SMS. Okay, lemme explain.

About a month ago, I woke up to a cryptic text on my phone from an unknown sender, which said ‘Kim Hee Chul, you are going down.’ I thought WTF. I don’t do that, go down on women, if you know what I mean. So I brushed it off.

A few days later, the same dude (or dudette, Idrk) texted ‘I know everything about you so you better be careful. Yes, even the fact that you freaked out when Yoo Bin tried to seduce you.’ (Yeah, the bitch did. But that’s for another entry). I thought, hhhmm… this person is in the same circle as I but he/she’s probably just some extortionist or something. I called up the number but nobody was picking up.

The anonymous asshole, which from this point on I will refer to as Pooper, kept on sending other threats but I didn’t get alarmed until he/she/it sent a paparazzi shot of me wasted and making out with another celebrity (lolz I know you’re dying to find out who it is so keep posted).

Okay, even you will go batshit crazy because 1. that was a super exclusive VIP-only gayo daejun after-party 2. ALL THE MUDDAEFFIN’ CELEBS WERE THERE. 3. it ended with a short message ‘Biggest Idol Scandal? Teehee.’ -_- I mean, who the hell uses ‘teehee’?

Thus, it led me to my conclusion that Pooper is another idol who hates my guts AND BELIEVE ME THERE ARE A LOT and that he/she/it would stop at nothing until I am erased from this god-forsaken entertainment industry. So I was like fuck it! I am writing this blog and spilling out Kpop’s deepest, darkest, secrets. Because I can. And seriously, if I am going down, so is every single idol out there, mmkay?

Nobody messes with The Heech (I gave my self that nickname. Ain’t it cute? ^_^;;;).

Ps: Have you ordered a copy of our latest CD yet or you’re just going to illegally download it again? Please buy an original record, not for my group’s sake because I don’t care about half the members Super Junior but I need money to buy a new bed. Some retard peed on it.

***

Comments will be appreciated! Next entries will have juicier revelations. Also, since I'm not really familiar with (or a member of) a lot of comms, can you possibly share this fic with your flist if you enjoyed it? Thanks!

Moonlit

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 07:10:20 GMT

Title: Moonlit
Author: iamnotawriter
Pairings: G-Top, Seung Hyun/Ji Yong
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: No, really. What is this for?

This is perhaps the shortest story I've written ever. I'm kinda not used to it but I felt like I had to write a G-Top fic today. Please enjoy. Also, I feel like my recent stories have been far too depressing. I must bring out the crack. Next time, maybe. Ji Yong POV this time around and in present tense.

~~~

There you are, lost in your beautiful slumber again. I peek from behind the slightly opened door and look around to make sure that nobody sees me spying on you. I realize that this is a perfect time. It’s just you, me and the still shadows in this cold apartment.

I have always known that you are precious, much more than I or anyone I know will ever be. My desire for you pulls me further inside your room. I stand by your bed and cannot take my eyes off your face, which is dimly lit by the full moon up above. Or am I mistaken? Is that streak of light but from a street lamp?

I know I shouldn’t be doing this and you have already assured me that ‘Ji Yong, I like women. You are special but… I have nothing to do with guys.’ I understand, hyung. Completely. I’m fully aware that at the moment, you are madly in love with someone else, a woman, a stunning actress, if you may.

But if I let it pass one more day, I might have to kill my self. It’s just too damn painful.

I kneel down in front of you and listen to your gentle breathing. Your face is 5 inches away from mine and there is a strong urge for me to touch it. I give in. My fingers softly run through your forehead, your thick brows, the bridge of your nose, your gorgeous cheekbones and finally, your tender lips. I keep my touch light and feathery, afraid that you might wake up and find me enthralled with your person.

You are still fast asleep and I wonder if you are dreaming of her and her bubbly laughter once again. I feel my nose turn acid at the thought of you and that woman and I’m sorry if I have to do this, hyung, but I can’t help but kiss you. In our very awkward position, I force my lips into yours and await the moment that you’d push me away like I know you would.

But you do not. Instead, with your eyes still closed, you kiss me back and gracefully draw me forward until I am on top of you. It shocks me beyond belief but my mind has evaporated along with any shame and guilt that is left in my body. We take off each others’ clothes and with our mouths still locked together, you grab my reddening member and work your hand through it. I think I’m going to lose my mind, Seung Hyun hyung! I really think I am. I pay you back by playing with your light brown nipples with my tongue and rolling my pointer around the slit of your penis.

You moan. With your husky and sexy voice, you moan and urge me to do more. And so, with my saliva, I prepare my self and my entrance and slowly slide your member inside of me.

For the first time, we make love. In the dark, with eyes closed and with no words shared, we make love. More than the pleasure and the pain, I am overcome with happiness and surreality of it all. The stars have finally granted my wish. Hyung, I’m sorry. I have always loved you.

You’re reaching your peak now and so am I. Feeling you inside of me as I sit on your pelvic area, I come and try my best to muffle my loud moan by biting my hand. A few moments after, you come, too. And you scream her name… “Min-aaah!”

I sit here motionless and you are back in your peaceful reverie.

I slide off of you and stay by the bottom of the bed, numb and staring lost in space. Tears begin to silently fall.

Min-ah.

Seung Hyun hyung, my name is Ji Yong. I am your Ji Yong. I leave your room and lock my self in mine and everything fades into black.

“Ji Yong!”, you say with a mischievous grin on your face as we eat breakfast. “I had a hot and awesome dream last night!”

“You dreamt about her, didn’t you?”, I ask pretentiously.

“You bet I did! And it seemed so real!”

I feign a smile, stand up with my sandwich and juice and walk away.

The End.

~~~

Comments will be loved.

Just Fanservice

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 07:17:50 GMT

Title: Just fanservice
Author: iamnotawriter
Pairings: G-Top, Seung Hyun/Ji Yong
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own them. Sue me.

I haven't written fan fictions in over three years. I decided to write one last night out of frustration from the lack of G-Top fics on the internet. Okay, there are some but they're not enough. I ain't the biggest fan of the group or the couple but I like them. If things go well, I may write more. Or not.

Warning: This is R in every sense of the rating. Language and themes are not suitable for minors at all. And even if you're not a minor, I really caution you about this one-shot. It's not pretty and fluffy. Read only if you've watched enough Takashi Miike. Purely Seung Hyun POV. (A/U, i think)

---

Ji Yong ruined my life.

I lived in a perfectly normal world before our paths crossed. I had a family, wonderful childhood friends and a dream to share my music to the world- or at least to my fellow Koreans. Everything was simple and light, like the pastel drawings on a children’s book.

And then he happened.

I did not take it against him, however, that we belonged in the same group. Had I known though that things would turn out the way they did, I would’ve listened to my grandmother and just stayed in school. But I guess my desire for fame and all the shit that come with it were stronger, that I had to endure living with him in the same house, breathing the same filthy air.

For years I went around wearing a mask that screamed ‘I-am-fine’ but deep within, my head constantly throbbed and my heart crushed at the thought of him. Of him exchanging teasing glares with that whore of an actor. Of him with his hand on the small of her bare back. Of him whimpering in pretense pleasure as some stinky old man pounds on him in an expensive hotel room because ‘it will help our career’'.

Disgusting.

But I will not lie. It broke me the most knowing that everything that I do, I did, was not enough and it never will be. He was always quick to remind me that things were just fanservice. Yes, even when he’d plant a silly little kiss on my lips and allow me to taste his cherry mouth just for a few seconds. Or when he’d walk in to my room in nothing but his tiny boxers and watch a movie with me with his head on my lap. Yes, there were no one else around except the two of us and they were still mother fucking fanservice.

I have, throughout my life, been sure and aware of my sexuality. I had slept with girls, fondled breasts and lusted over pussies before. I wanted nothing, absolutely nothing to do with men. At all. In fact, the thought of two guys together made me sick. Yeah, skinship didn’t work for me at all.

But he turned me into something else. Something I didn’t even know.

I would just find my self at night alone in my room with a bottle of lotion by my bed and thoughts of Ji Yong in my hazy head. Ji Yong would grab my hair as he passionately kiss me in the living room and slowly suck on my neck and chest and my soft tummy and then plant sweet, gentle kisses around my dick. He would play with it and slowly lick the shaft before enveloping it with the warmth and goodness of his precious mouth. ‘Fuck, Ji Yong-ah!’, I’d softly groan.

Ji Yong would plead for me to go faster and harder as we make love with his legs on my shoulders. Like a delicate girl, he would shake beneath me and moan, oh yes, did he moan ‘Hyung…. Hyung… I love you.’ in what seemed like a mixture of anguish and bliss. I’d pick up my speed and his moans would turn into screams and before you knew it, I have erupted on my sheets. Only the shadows cast by the moon light were the witnesses of my clandestine act, which I did many times over.

Ji Yong. I hated that son of a gun.

Ever since we’ve met and I fell into his traps, I have never looked at women the same way again. It was like they’ve died in my eyes. I did fuck some of them- adoring fans, other pop stars, even producers who were much older than me. But it was futile. I only came because I closed my eyes and imagined them to be him.

And no, I never liked men either. A younger male celebrity from another group went as far as visiting me at home and taking his clothes off in front of me, perhaps in desperation after the numerous times I’ve rejected him. His puppy eyes didn’t work and I punched him in the face. ‘What the fuck do you think of me, you fucking homo? Come near me once again and I’ll break your neck.’

I stormed out of the room and ran as fast and as far as could to nowhere, trying my very best not to break down. But I did. And I wished Ji Yong would break the spell, no, the curse he cast on me.

He had many women. And men. On top of the millions of fans who adored everything about that bastard. But none of them wanted him as much as I did. When he’d get up to the beat, I’d sometimes have to look away to keep myself from losing breath. Even his sweat, I yearned for. When he would be too tough on himself and cry out of frustration, I’d gently pat him on the back even though I really wanted to run off with him and save him from all the mess in the world. He once reciprocated it and buried his head on my shoulder as he drowned in his own sobs.

At that moment, I promised to protect him until the day I die

Ji Yong, I desired every single beautiful and flawed inch of him. His laughter, his tiny waist, his dreams and fears, his soft hands, his eccentricities, his blood, his life and most of all… his love. But you know what they say, you can’t always get what you want.

One winter night, while we were both watching a Kim Ki Duk film in his room, I stealthily held his hand. He didn’t resist and we sat there with our hands intertwined. My heart was racing fast and I couldn’t focus on the scene. And then without warning I kissed him. With all my heart, I did. But as fate would have it, he pulled away.

‘Hyung!’, he gasped, genuinely surprised. My face must’ve shown terror or utter humiliation because he looked down in pity and said …‘Seung Hyun hyung I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t do this’. He walked away.

In an effort to make him change his mind or maybe, just to save face, I grabbed his wrist and asked, ‘Why, Ji Yong? What are we supposed to be?’

‘We’re friends, very good friends. And band mates. Who sometimes do fanservice.’

I knew he didn’t mean to be rude, especially with that calmed look and a soft smile on his face but his words were a dagger into my already tormented soul.

The next day he went home with a girl for some easy fuck.

Days and months had passed and he acted like everything was the same. I did, too, if only to save the band or whatever was left of it. I was ready to quit. I couldn’t bear prolonging the agony of having to see him happy with other people. He would flirt with everyone, anyone that would show a flicker of an interest in him, being an attention-whore that he was. He wanted to be loved and adored and praised by all, except for that one person who was unconditionally devoted to him and everything he was about- me.

The end began when another member confided that he saw some videos of Ji Yong on his computer. Videos that would cause the downfall of Big Bang if ever they were leaked to the public. I sneaked in one day to check the clips myself and felt the world around me crumble when I saw him on the bed with various women and men, fucking and groaning and humping and laughing and looking at the lens as if mocking ‘Don’t you wish this was you, Seung Hyun?’.

I lost it.

I told him we had a surprise but to not let the members and producers know that he knew about it all along. His eyes were filled with excitement as we drove south of Seoul and on the way, he kept on teasing me, batting his eyelashes and coyly smiling in a true Kwon Ji Yong fashion. I kept silent.

It was past 8 when we got to the house, which was dark because I said it was part of the surprise. Being the spoiled bitch that he was, he didn’t question anything as he was used to getting surprises and shit like that. I smirked and asked him to put a blindfold on.

The click of the handcuffs. The absence of a welcoming crowd. I, breathing heavily behind him.

‘Hyung? Seung Hyun hyung!’ he called out, alarmed. But it was too late. I had already secured him to a steel post by the wall.

When I took off his blind folds, I looked at him with my most pleasant smile, something I haven’t done in months. He returned it with a look of utter fear and his eyes welled up.

‘Hyung? What is this?’

I commanded him to shut up but instead he started to kick and struggle and scream when it dawned on him that we were alone in an abandoned house far from civilization. I was left with no choice but to slap him.

Ji Yong began to weep in a way I had never seen him do before. He was like a fragile child lost in the middle of a desert, overcome with fright and hopelessness. And I thought even in such a form, he still was the most beautiful person alive. His tears got me aroused.

‘Please! No, don’t!’, he pleaded as I took my shirt off.

With all might, I kissed him. He tried to purse his lips in defiance but I took out my knife and placed it on his throat. He meekly let go and allowed me to devour his mouth. He tasted so good, so raw, especially with that tinge of blood. I was getting fired up and heated in my crotch that I voraciously cut his shirt off and forcefully pulled his pants and underwear down.

Sprawled naked on the floor with his hands cuffed up on the post, I stared at my Ji Yong and wondered at his exposed magnificence. I almost wanted to cry. He was mine, at last.

‘Why?’, he asked softly in between sobs.

‘You asked for this, didn’t you?’ I passively answered as I stripped myself of my remaining clothes.

I kneeled down in front of him and worked my mouth from his jaw line, down to his chest, down to his tummy and planted gentle kisses on top of his limp member, like he would do to me in my fantasies. Except it wasn’t my imagination anymore. I didn’t want to do it brusquely, really, and wanted nothing but give him pleasure. There were so many things that I’ve always wanted to do with and for him but he never gave me the chance.

And then the bastard kicked me in the groin, which made shrivel in unspeakable pain. I had no choice but to beat the life out of him. I punched him in the face until I could recognize him no more. And with my bare feet and all my strength, I kicked him in the stomach, his back, his chest and his entire torso. After I calmed down and saw the product of my fit, I wondered where all that range came from.

Ji Yong was a mound of broken flesh.

But I wasn’t done yet. I touched my penis and felt it hard as I looked at him barely conscious in front of me. I went down on my knees once more and without warning, penetrated his saccharine ass. With all those men who had fucked him before, I wondered why he was still tight.

A mumbled sound of pain escaped his lips but to me, it was all pleasure.

I fucked that bitch like he had never been fucked before. Everything was wet and slithery- his blood and my saliva mixing in my mouth, his sweat against mine on our bodies, my semen mixing with his body fluids as I thrusted harder and harder inside of him.

I wanted time to stop. I wanted him to love me.

‘Say that you love me, fucker!’

No response.

I pressed the knife harder on his throat and commanded. ‘Say I love you, hyung! Say it!’ I screamed.

‘I… hyung… love.’

‘What? I couldn’t hear you!’

‘I love you, hyung!’, he uttered weakly.

‘More! And louder!’ I angrily ordered as I ground on him with all lust.

For the first time he looked at me without fear and his reddened eyes were almost full of pity. He said plainly, each word clear as that cloudless night sky, ‘Hyung, I’m sorry. I don’t love you.’

And with that, I came. I came and I screamed and I grabbed his swollen cheeks and breathed heavily on his face. Nothing but pure anger and hatred had taken over my senses and I gritted my teeth while saying ‘I know, this is just fanservice.’

I slit his throat and stabbed him thrice on the heart.

Everything became eerily quiet. I lied down beside him and watched the crimson liquid flow from his body and soak the wooden floor. I wondered why he was still beautiful despite his deformed face. I gave him a sweet short kiss on the lips like he would do to me on lazy Saturday afternoons.

Ji Yong, I hated him. I hated him more than anything in this world. He ruined my life and he deserved his tragic ending. But I hated myself more. I have been lying to myself for the longest time and in that moment, with both of us naked and damaged on the floor, I admitted to my self that he was my life.

I held Ji Yong close to me, wrapped my arms around him. And I slashed my wrist and watched the blood flow from my body and join his on the floor.

End.

Comments will be appreciated and oh, please don't tell me I didn't warn you! :-)